Panty Raid
by Stormwalker628
Summary: Ranma tries to stop Happosai from continuing his usual activities and ends up in a 'philosophical' discussion.


Panty Raid  
By: Kevin 'Stormy' McHorney  
  
Ranma leaped into the air. As he felt himself reach the top of his arc he rolled into a kick and descended at Happosai's head. The perverted martial arts master dodged left and Ranma hit dirt, narrowly missing the Tendo's pond. Happosai turned and saw Ranma get ready to pounce. Behind Ranma he saw Akane walk into the yard. This may just get Ranma off my back for a while, he thought to himself. Happosai held up his hand. "Hold on a minute Ranma. Would you stop chasing me if I gave you this?" He reached behind his back and pulled out a pair of green panties. "They're Akane's."  
  
Ranma paused in confusion and regarded the panties. Behind him Akane fumed. Finally Ranma said, "What am I supposed to do with 'em?"  
  
"Huh?" Happosai eloquently stated.  
  
"Well, it's not the first time you've offered me her panties. What am I supposed to do with them? Do you expect me to wear them over my head, or mount them on the wall like a trophy or something? I can't give them back to her, cause she'd accuse me of stealing them from her in the first place."  
  
"Um, well." Happosai stalled as he thought of an answer. Instead he was saved from coming up with one by Akane.  
  
"Ranma, you jerk," Akane said. Ranma jumped straight into the air, his pigtail sticking out at a ninety degree angle in surprise. Akane glared at him and said, "I bet if they were Shampoo's panties you wouldn't even hesitate."  
  
"Aww, come on Akane. Besides, I don't think Shampoo wears any."  
  
"Yes she does," Happosai said, "I have a pair of hers right here." He rifled through his sack and pulled out a pair of Fairy Princess Minky Momo panties. Akane took one look at Shampoo's undergarments and fell on the ground laughing.  
  
Ranma looked at Happosai and said, "Oh, guess I was wrong. But I wouldn't know what to do with those any more than I would know what to do with the tomboy's." Ranma punctuated his statement by hitching a thumb at Akane.  
  
Akane picked herself off the ground and glared at Ranma again. "Well, what about Ukyo's then?"  
  
Ranma thought for a moment then said, "I'm pretty sure that Ucchan wears boxers."  
  
Happosai nodded, "Yes she does. It's too bad really. Such a little cutie and all she has are cloth strips for chest binding and boxers. Nothing for a poor old man to ste, er rescue."  
  
Akane just shook her head. "I should have known. What about Kodachi then?"  
  
Ranma shuddered. "I don't wanna think about her, let alone what kinda underwear she has." Ranma turned to Happosai. "And I don't need to see them either." Happosai grumbled as he pulled his hand out of his pack.  
  
Akane threw her hands up in exasperation. "Then who's panties do you want?"  
  
Ranma scratched the back of his head. "Well, no ones. Sides, Pop says that I should be more interested in what's in the panties than the panties themselves." Akane turned bright red at his comment. "Not that I have a clue what he's talkin about," Ranma continued.  
  
Akane's face returned to it's normal color as she said, "Wow, so you really are more of an idiot than a pervert." Ranma glared at her.  
  
Happosai looked at Ranma in surprise. "You don't want any panties?"  
  
"I already told you, you old lech. I wouldn't know what to do with them anyway."  
  
"Then why do you keep chasing me if not to steal my silky darlings for yourself?"  
  
"Steal your silky darlings? I was tryin to keep you from picking on all these defenseless girls."  
  
Akane began to glow a bright blue. "Defenseless? I'll show you defenseless." Akane spotted Kasumi's broom sitting next to her. She picked it up and swung it at Ranma. He dodged backwards out of it's way and right into the pond.  
  
Ranma held her sopping wet clothes away from her skin. "Aww man, and I just took a bath too." She glared at Happosai as he was trying to creep out of the yard. "Oh, you think you're going to get away that easily." She launched herself at Happosai, missing by only a hair's breadth as he dodged out of her reach. Unfortunately Happosai snagged his bag on a nail and it opened all over Ranma. One black pair found it's way to the top of Ranma's head.  
  
"See, I knew you were after my treasures." Happosai pointed at the pair lodged on Ranma's head. "You're even wearing Kodachi's." Ranma covered her eyes with her left hand and removed said panties from her cranium with her right. She brought the fingers of her left hand together and rubbed the bridge of her nose.  
  
Akane pointed at Ranma and said, "No, you're both a pervert and an idiot."  
  
Ranma began to glow red and yelled, "Happosai, this is all your fault. Prepare to die." She launched herself at Happosai once more and chased him out of the yard.  
  
END  
  
Ranma and all characters created by Rumiko Takahashi.  



End file.
